This Is Your Moment — Remembering My Father
It’s the day before what would have been my father’s 86th Birthday. As has become a tradition for me, I wanted to write something to honor his memory.
Last year at this time, I was coming out of a difficult moment health-wise. As I was going through that experience, my Dad’s spirit of positivity was a true gift to me. The memory of his courage and positive attitude as he struggled with health challenges were a true inspiration. He helped me find light in the darkness. The ability to talk to him, sometimes out loud and sometimes in a purely meditative way saved me. I will always be grateful.
This year has been different in ways that were positive and less so. On the bright side, since that time, I have continued to feel healthier and stronger. I’ve run two more marathons at paces I’m happy with and proud of. Sadly, I also saw the flip side of my good fortune. I saw family and good friends lose children; something no parent should ever have to experience. Other relatives I’ve known to be vibrant and healthy succumbed to very tough medical conditions. These were reminders that life and health can be fleeting with no guarantees of our next breath or minute of life.
While we have today and our next breath, we get to make important choices. How we live and what we do with our time. This quote sums up my feelings:
“The proper function of man is to live, not to exist. I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them. I shall use my time.”
Sound a little familiar? Did you hear that somewhere? The credit belongs to author Jack London. I wish I could say I was a real bibliophile but the simple truth is that I love James Bond movies — Dad did too. M quoted this line at the end of “No Time To Die”, Daniel Craig’s final bond movie. Further, John Wetton, one of my favorite musicians framed it well in his song “An Extraordinary Life” singing:
Go, seize the day, Wake up and say
This is an extraordinary life
Enjoy today, Come what may
This is an extraordinary life
OK, no more self-indulgent quotes. I think you get the picture. These experiences screamed: Live your life to its fullest. My Dad was far from perfect. But he was the perfect father for me and he exemplified this idea so well. One of the most amazing qualities about him was his ability to find absolute joy in doing things that he loved. He never claimed to be the best fisherman, golfer, or even accountant, his chosen profession. Yet he never stopped loving these activities and trying to be better at them while enjoying his own personal journey of mastery.
I have memories of long hours spent in our boat near Ventnor NJ looking for just the right spot where the fish would be biting at just the right time, usually 5 AM or thereabout. After these trips, where we’d usually come home empty handed, it typically meant a trip to a bait and tackle store where dad would invest in the latest hook, rig or reel that was guaranteed to do the job next time. Later, golf became his obsession. The addiction of that perfect drive kept him on golf courses in Philly as well as Florida for hours on end. And much like fishing, there was no end to the tools of the trade you could buy to improve your game. He was always getting closer and closer — almost there…I now have his clubs and have a feeling that if I start down that path, I will be in the same lifelong hunt.
This desire to make the most of each moment and Dad’s example moved me to say a resounding Yes to some activities I had given up on, yet make me happy. I’ve returned to playing music in a band, playing ice hockey along with doing some research on local offices I may want to serve in. Am I going to be a rockstar, get drafted to the NHL or win an election? I don’t have a clue! But As Rocky Balboa, another fictional hero of mine once said:
“I’d rather do something I love badly than to feel bad about not doing something I love.”
So true! And the really cool thing is that my love of hockey and learning to play guitar were activities I shared with my dad. Back in 1970-something, he took me to my first Philadelphia Flyers game. I was hooked. He encouraged me when I got on ice skates for the first time. He even bought me my first set of hockey pads and an actual goal to protect.
Once I was a teen, I became obsessed with the band Yes (still my favorite!). I decided I had to learn to play like them so Dad found me a hand me down guitar. Since he used to play the guitar, we learned (or re-learned) together. My first experience of playing with another musician was with him. Our set list included songs played by the Kingston Trio, his favorite band, The Gambler by Kenny Rogers and Aura Lee, which you probably know as Elvis’s Love Me Tender.
If you’ve read all the way here, thanks for hanging through my nostalgic post. I’ll close by saying how grateful I am to have these memories of my life with my Dad. Later this week my wife, my Dad’s long time partner Judy and I will get together for our annual Vodka-Gimlet toast to my Dad. As we did last year, we’ll toast to the many things he brought to each of our lives. This year, I will say a special thank you to my Dad for reminding me that each moment is a gift and we get to make the most of every one of them. I intend to. I hope you do too.
